Strictlywatch 2008: Semi-final and Results

Or not quite results, because (a) my PVR threw a wobbly and decided not to record the results show, and (b) there wasn't a result anyway, as they decided to put all three dancers through to the final. Officially this is because Lisa and Rachel tied for the top spot, meaning that there was no way that Tom could avoid the dance off, but I suspect that it makes for a better final if there are three dancers in it, and also there was a mathematical irony after John Sergeant dropped out in that everyone was complaining that his staying in was forcing a better dancer to go out each week, but once he dropped out it meant that a better dancer had to go out a week early each week anyway. Also I do wonder whether Tom is miles ahead in the voting, and if the entire voting public voted for him but couldn't save him from the dance off and then the judges put him out they would advance on TV centre with pitchforks. Someone should probably set up a little stall selling pitchforks just outside White City station, they'd make a killing. But anyway, they all go through.

So there are only three dancers left now, Rachel, Tom and Lisa. This means that in my week one prediction I got two out of three, with Lisa the wild card. Lisa - handicapped by being partnered with horrible Brendan, and by having slept with George Clooney thus earning her the eternal jealousy of at least half the viewing audience (and can we imagine that relationship, people? Seriously?) - is definitely the most improved dancer overall, and did a lovely quickstep to Dancing in the Dark (to my eternal disappointment, not the Bruce Springsteen song, but some 1940s swing thing) and got four 10s, which I am not entirely sure that she deserved, but the judges are throwing tens around like sweets this series. They have to, otherwise they would not be able to keep telling us that this is the best Strictly ever, as if we have all lost our memories and can't remember last year and Alesha Dixon and the whole Matt / Flavia / Vincent love triangle. Lisa also got a 10 from Len for her distinctly less than perfect Argentine tango, but I think he had dropped the rest of his paddles.

Rachel is the best dancer left the competition and as such ought to win. Her Argentine Tango was amazing (and scored lower than Lisa'a quickstep). Her American Smooth (to "Mandy", officially the most bleurgh song ever written) was as weirdly un-American Smooth-like as her previous American Smooth, and I know you can adapt any dance to the American Smooth up to and including Breakdancing and that Robot dance that was big in the 80s, but when I know there's going to be an American Smooth I want big band music and Fred and Ginger moves, so no matter how good that alternative, I will be disappointed.

As for Tom, while putting in a worthy performance on both dances, he was the least good and deserves to go out, except that he remains as likeable as ever, and with two rather bland girls left in the competition this is proving rather more significant than a perfect fleckle or exquisitely delivered spot turn. His jive was the only dance that even approached fun - fun! remember that? you know the one I mean, it's similar to entertainment - and for that alone I am delighted that he will be in the final, which otherwise promises to be a very po-faced affair. At the end of the jive, he jumped over Camilla's head, and I can't imagine that happening with either Rachel or Lisa, who take the whole thing terribly seriously. As for his Argentine Tango, it didn't have a whole lot of tango in it, but there was lots of Argentine acting and it was to my favourite piece of tango music (from 'Scent of a Woman') and he had bicycle clips around his elbows, and that gets another bonus mark from me. Essentially I'm biased because he's hot, but I do think it would be a miserable final without Tom. Rachel for the win, though.

Before I go, two things. Firstly, a word about Tess's breasts. I wouldn't dream of speculating whether they are the ones God blessed her with or if she got a helping hand from Harley Street, but they are like two grapefruits stuck to her front, and I just don't remember them featuring so, ah, highly in previous series. Has she got some kind of new scaffolding under those dresses which is pushing them into unnatural positions? Or do they just stand to attention by themselves? These days I am spending about half of Strictly thinking about Tess's breasts, and that can't be right.

Secondly, believe it or not I will be out of the country for the Strictly final, en route for Mozambique. I won't have computer access there so I can't watch the dances or blog about them, you will have to form your own opinions and I'm sorry about that, because I know mine are better. I'll set the grumpy PVR to record it and hopefully I'll be able to watch it and the Christmas special when I get back, but I wouldn't count on it. But in the meantime, keep dancing!

Dances, as ever, here.