The Choir pt 2

Another episode of The Choir to stoke my Gareth Malone crush. This time, Gareth is adorable with kids. This is hardly fair on the poor viewing public who don't want to swoon all the way off the sofa. Next week, Gareth will be adorable surrounded by young cockney fellas in hats, and I don't think I will survive. So just as well we are discussing this now.

I found myself perusing his website, just passing by chance, you know, and I came upon the 'Contact Me' form, thus.

You'll note there's a drop down menu for 'subject'.

Your choices are: Fan mail; school workshops; teacher training; choral societies / choirs; events; presenting; personal appearance; website feedback; and other.

*So* tempted to pick 'personal appearance' and just write 'cute'...

Firestation Bookswap: September Preview

Announcing the Bookswap guests for September!

We've got poet, biographer / memoirist, and frequent flyer at the Guardian Kate Clanchy; and historian, Russianist (great word) and novelist Helen Rappaport. I am very keen to get my mitts on Clanchy's Antigona and Me, her account of her relationship with her cleaner and nanny, a Kosovan refugee, and also Rappaport's Ekaterinburg(aka 'The Last Days of the Romanovs'), which is not her most recent (that's her Lenin biog 'Conspirator') but I have heard so much good stuff about it that I can't resist.

We're kicking off at 7.30pm to give out-of-towners a fighting chance of getting home afterwards, and we're going to be a tad more organised about proceedings after last month's amiable chaos (notably there will be an interval for drinking and weeing purposes) but the essence of the night is still the same: questions on all kinds of topics from Scott Pack, myself and the audience, and the soon-to-be wold famous Book Swap for which the night is named, which will be much assisted if you bring a book with you to swap. Tickets are £5 and can be bought here.

As before, if you can't make it, do leave questions for our guests in the comments, and I will try to ask them.

The Choir

Anybody else watching The Choir? This is the documentary series / intelligent reality type show (I think there's a technical term for this kind of thing, if any of my TV-land readers care to supply it?) which started on BBC Two on Tuesday. I actually missed the first episode, but was alerted to it by the wonders of Twitter, and so I caught up with it on iPlayer.

Let's get something out of the way immediately: the presenter, Gareth Malone. Shall we take a look at him?



He is completely adorable. He looks about 12 (in fact: 34!?) and is by his own admission "quite posh" and never wears a two-piece suit where a three-piece suit will do, and is completely, brilliantly, unassumingly lovely and seems to have gone straight from cute chorister to cute choirmaster stopping only to take a break in "unlikely sex symbol". Unlikely unless you are me, anyway. (And half the rest of the world, suggests Google.) I mean, he's a choirmaster! With floppy hair! And he wears glasses! And given how much he has to conduct while he's working, with his hands, they are super-good at keeping his wedding ring out of shot almost all of the time. *Melt*.

OK, now let's move on.

Because aside from lovely Gareth, Gareth Malone, The Choir is also fabulous. It is exactly what the X Factor pretends to be, but isn't. It is the anti X Factor.

Here's the idea behind The Choir. In season one (which, criminally, I never saw), Gareth put together a choir in a dodgy school, with beautiful, heart-rending results. Then there was something called Boys Don't Sing. I don't know what that was. (Hey, it's not like I get paid to do this.) But in season two, or maybe three, there was this season of The Choir, in which gorgeous Gareth goes to a run-down (and very big) council estate near Watford and galvanises 200 of its residents into a community choir.

Gareth doesn't care if they can sing. He only cares that they want to sing. And the people are sort of nervous and sort of excited, and he enthuses them more and more and they do their best and they sing. SOB. I haven't been this moved since that one where they get the Birmingham teenagers to dance ballet. Oh god, I am getting tearful just thinking about it.

Anyway, gradually you get to know some of the characters in the choir, like Matty the cockney hardnut boxer who only turns up to one rehearsal but is properly proud of his community, and Dee, the beautiful, shy gospel singer who starts the episode describing being chased by teenagers shouting 'n*gger' and ends it being cheered by an entire shopping precinct for her solo in 'Higher & Higher', and pensioner Fred, with the lovely voice, whose wife has just died and who stands next to his kitchen sink saying sadly, "Everything reminds me of her. Everything," only The Choir resists the urge to drown him out in soupy music and then make him sing the Wind Beneath My Wings while Dannii Minogue weeps. Because it is not the X Factor.

It is not the X Factor. Because it's not about "talent" and it's not sentimental. It's not about pretending to celebrate the gifted while we mock the unworthy, as a scene in which a series of wobbly-voiced women audition for a solo clearly demonstrates. People are applauded - yes! - just for having the guts to try. The Choir is about real people who want something to be proud of, or just something to do, and who are willing to put a bit of effort in, with the help of a sweet chap who really does look a lot like a baby David Tennant.

In short: it's brilliant.

Episode 2 is next Tuesday, and UK-dwellers can catch up with it all on iPlayer.

Discount Madness

As I once bought a (very beautiful, and surprisingly inexpensive) desk from the Conran Shop, I occasionally get invited to their promotional evenings, and today I received one of their flyers in the post.

"As a special Conran Shop customer you are invited to the launch of our new Well Considered collection," it reads. "15% DISCOUNT will be available on purchases of all products made during the evening." Woo! They have put "15% DISCOUNT" in capitals and bold and everything. Then the flyer continues: "However, as Well Considered prices are so good, these will not be included."

So they are inviting me to the launch of a range... and incentivising me to buy anything other than that range.

Interesting strategy.

Strictlywatch 2009: Series Preview

It's back! It's back! Strictly is back! The terrible costumes, the terrible music, the tears, the Tess, the backstage squabbles, the frontstage squabbles, the flirtation, the camp, the octagenarian host! YESSSS!!! The contestants have been announced and it's only a few short weeks before the stiletto-heeled kick-off. So join me, if you will, for the 2009 Strictly preview, in which we cast our eye down this years hopefuls and ask "Who will win? Who will lose? And who the fuck are these people anyway?"

Pictures of contestants and video interviews are all to be found over here.

Ali Bastian & Brian Fortuna. Alien-headed Brian is partnering Ali, who played Becca Dean on Holyoaks for years before moving, as soap stars tend to, to The Bill. Those of you unfamiliar with Becca Dean (ie anybody over 20 who does not work from home) might not be as surprised as you should be that the pretty, if slightly wet, young woman I remember is the spitting image of Debbie Magee in her official Strictly photo. Likeable. But also, maybe fatally, forgettable.

Lynda Bellingham & Darren Bennett. Everybody loves Lynda because she was the Oxo mum, but I particularly love her because she was Mrs Herriot in All Creatures Great and Small, a TV series about which I will allow no negative word to be said. NO NEGATIVE WORD. And she was in Doctor Who. We may have an early contender for blog mascot. Nostalgia alone should keep her in for a few episodes, surely, no matter what she does.

Joe Calzaghe & Kristina Rihanoff. A boxer, apparently. Don't mock me for my ignorance. Also known as "The Pride of Wales", according to the website, which should get him into the final no problem, even if he wasn't dancing with mail-order bride Kristina Rihanoff who won over everyone's hearts last year by crying over John Sergeant-gate.

Natalie Cassidy & Vincent Simone. Aside from her stint in Eastenders, Natalie Cassidy is mainly known for her tabloid-chronicled yoyo weight, and thus is the most likely person to go on a Strictly Journey and be told endlessly by the judges that she "looks beautiful" which is code for overweight and uncomfortable (see also Laeticia Dean) and also possibly that the jive / samba / etc is a "difficult dance for a big girl".

Richard Dunwoody & Lilia Kopylova. He is a jockey. I can't help suspecting they have dealt Lilia ANOTHER lemon.

Ricky Groves & Erin Boag. I stopped watching Eastenders years ago, but apparently Garry is still on it, although appearing on Strictly does tend to hasten one's character's soap opera departure. Coffin at Christmas? Erin can whip almost anybody into shape, and Ricky's definitely got cockney charm, but mainly I'll be watching to see whether, as son-in-law to Dennis Waterman, they get him to dance to the theme from Minder.

Martina Hingis & Matthew Cutler. Bafflingly, no mention of cocaine on Martina Hingis's official Strictly Come Dancing biog. She is gorgeous, highly successful, probably extremely competitive and determined, and thus highest odds for being a shock early departure because she's considered by the audience to have an unfair natural advantage and an unfeminine desire to win.

Chris Hollins & Ola Jordan. I have no idea who he is but apparently he presents sport. That and Ola's boobs should get him a few votes from the dad contingent at least.

Jade Johnson & Ian Waite. As an Olympic long-jumper, Jade Johnson is going to be another competitive one, but she's British and down-to-earth and rather lovely and so Martina Hingis should pull the "unfair advantage" heat off her. She and Ricky Whittle are the black contestants, and therefore joint favourites to get the judges mentioning their "natural rhythm" the moment they step out for a latin dance, although one can always hope that after several series, the producers have finally had a word with the judges about that.

Craig Kelly & Flavia Cacace. Didn't have a clue who Craig Kelly was until I clicked through onto the BBC site, only to discover that he was the sweet, unsexy one from Queer as Folk. Automatic bonus points. And that he isn't unsexy any more. Double bonus points. Plus he is dancing with fabulous Flavia. Triple bonus points. Yes, I am very keen to see his moves on the dancefloor.

Zoe Lucker & James Jordan. Now this is clever. Take the girl that most of the female viewers are likely to hate (ex-Footballers Wives, blonde and attractive in an FHM, man-pleasing way) and pair her with the dancer everybody hates already. Poor Zoe.

Laila Rouass & Anton du Beke. Judging by the site, Laila is a young, beautiful actress who doesn't show any immediate signs of utter clumsiness or ineptitude. Can it be possible? Have they paired Anton with somebody who might actually be able to dance? Did he threaten to leave if they didn't?

Phil Tufnell & Katya Virshilas. Katya is a new girl and has no audience loyalty, and though I still hold fond memories of Phil Tufnell saying "sweet as a nut, sweet as a nut" in a strangely appealing fashion on his way to winning I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, I reckon this could be an early exit unless Phil has secret dancing shoes.

Ricky Whittle & Natalie Lowe. Another new girl, and who hell he? A Holyoaks Hunk, apparently. Worth watching the video of his interview just to see exactly how low he chooses to keep his shirt unbuttoned. This man is going to LOVE the costumes. And I will love him in them.

Rav Wilding & Aliona Vilani. Where have all the female Strictly dancers gone? *Another* new arrival. She is paired with someone from Crimewatch about whom I know absolutely nothing. So I watched the video and within two seconds was mesmerised by his incredible dancing eyebrows. This man is going to have seriously brilliant dance faces. Please let him stay in long enough for the Tango and the Paso Doble.

Jo Wood & Brendan Cole. Billed as "model and entrepreneur" but not "celebrity ex-wife", Jo Wood looks like Zoe Ball might if she had plastic surgery done with the specific intention of becoming a Dolly Parton impersonator, or possibly vice versa. The producers have pulled a mean trick pairing her with Brendan, because she comes across as sweet but not too bright, and Brendan will chew her up and spit her out within seconds.

My predictions, based just on looking at their pictures? Decent showings for Joe, Jade, Craig and Laila. I reserve the right to change my mind once I have seen them move...

Firestation Bookswap: Ruston / McCrum

Very much enjoyed last night's somewhat chaotic inaugural Firestation Bookswap. By now I'm sure you all know that this was a hybrid author event / book club hosted by Scott Pack and myself at Windsor's new(ish) arts centre, The Firestation. We'd invited guests Jessica Ruston, whose intelligent-yet-glamorous blockbuster debut Luxury has just come out, and Robert McCrum, who has a wealth of writing and editing experience encompassing fiction, memoir, biography and long stints at Faber and The Observer. We'd persuaded Scott's wife Rhian to bake delicious cakes and macaroons for our guests and audience. We'd got everyone, guests and audience alike, to bring along a book to swap with each other. And then we gathered everyone together, put the kettle on and off we went...

Chat was a mixture of bookish and non-bookish topics, bolstered by audience questions from the anonymous question jar, and less anonymous contributions from the floor. We covered a huge range of issues from broadsheet reviews (six pages in the Observer divide into new releases from big names, books related to news and current affairs, and only small provision for what McCrum referred to as "The History of Sand" type books) and the difficulty of reading Harry Potter out loud, to the most annoying places on earth (Ruston: 'a delayed plane', McCrum: 'the Hay literary festival') and the efficacy of cat worming tablets (no, really). Jess even brought a compilation CD for us to listen to as we mingled afterwards and swapped our books. I was delighted to pick up 'For Richer, For Poorer', Victoria Coren's account of her life as a poker pro, from McCrum but regretfully had to give up my copy of Luxury in return (I will be buying another).

I am sad to say that the number of audience questions means that I did not have a chance to ask Lilalia's question about the physicality of the written word, but I did manage to get in Persephone's regarding whether McCrum ever looks back on 'My Year Off', his memoir of recovering from stroke, and wants to footnote it saying he has changed his mind... His answer started as 'yes, the whole thing' and then swiftly changed over to 'actually, I wanted to write it as it was, and keep it detached but helpful for other stroke sufferers, so no', before settling on 'I have actually blanked out the whole experience so it's a useful record to remind me what happened'.

Thanks to all who came. Our next event will be on Thursday 17th September and I will announce the guests as soon as I can. Meanwhile here is a lovely review from Emma at the Independent blog who can verify the deliciousness of the macaroons... Surely that's incentive enough to join us next month?

A bit of me

Do you miss me? I miss you. But my gorgeous, demanding little nephews and their equally gorgeous, slightly less demanding and far less little parents are visiting me from Mozambique so I am ignoring my responsibilities.

Fortunately, here's an interview I did earlier. Just to keep the wolf from the door.

And you're coming to the Firestation Bookswap on Thursday of course, so I'll see you there. Remember, if you can't come because you live in Canada or something, you can post questions for Jessica Ruston or Robert McCrum here and I'll ask any that aren't actually obscene.

Excuse

I mean to be blogging, it's just that I am working really hard. Yes. It does happen.

Meanwhile, here's a picture of Stringer Bell with his glasses on.

How To Spot A Poorly-Reviewed Play

The latest mailout from the South Bank Centre plops into my mailbox, promoting the new Hanish Kureshi play The Black Album. It has two quotes from reviews on it. Two. The first one seems to be pretty good -

"The flawless cast do Kureishi’s funny script and excellent characterisation proud."

Well that's encouraging. Who said that?

Oh. London Lite.

Well, surely they got a decent quote out of a real newspaper? Look, there's something from the Daily Telegraph. A broadsheet, that mostly isn't given away on the tube to entertain people with its celebrity gossip and dating tips, even if it does have a slight tendency to stuff its pages with stories about Prince Charles.

"This is a long-over due [sic] look at a very urgent issue."

(Oops, they really should have got that ad subbed.) And......? No, that's the end of the quote. You might want to know whether it is an any good long overdue look, but the Daily Telegraph, it say nothing about that. [sic as well. That was deliberate]

Hmm.

Quick peak at the full Daily Telegraph review reveals exactly why they weren't able to pull a more encouraging quote out of it. It begins -

"It may not be the best page-to-stage adaptation ever to have graced the National Theatre. It may not even offer the full satisfaction of a thoroughly gripping yarn. But The Black Album, Hanif Kureishi’s new dramatisation of his 1995 novel, has one ace up its sleeve: it’s about a subject that matters."

Righty-ho. So it's bad, but it's WORTHY. Oh god, that's even worse.

And the Daily Telegraph is the best quote they can pull from anywhere?

I will not be going to see The Black Album by Hanif Kureishi.

Just got back.

I wouldn't exactly call this "stopped raining".