Hay: preview

I have finished (read "finished") my book (why "finished"? Well there will be months worth of corrections once my editor gets hold of it, and that's assuming my publishers actually want this one, ladida I AM NOT THINKING ABOUT THAT) and am off to the Hay festival from where I intend to keep a regular blog presence, hurrah! (Please don't steal the laptop out of the car when I stop for petrol.) Hay is like one giant Start the Week and it's where I go to feel clever and knowledgeable about stuff I am neither clever nor knowledgeable about. Also, as luck would have it, it's a really great place to sit inside a marquee wishing it would stop raining. See you there! (Not literally. Especially if you are reading this from Canada.)

Doctor Who: Amy's Choice / The Hungry Earth

When Matt Smith looks in the mirror, this is what he sees.

Two for the price of one Who review today (and an even bigger bargain when you consider that the price of one is currently "free") (love how I'm trying to sell this as a good thing rather than 'I am neglecting my blog until my book is finished and handed in', but hey.)

First up, Amy's Choice, which I absolutely loved. This was the one, if you can think back that far, where a mysterious Dream Lord (a stupendous performance by Toby Jones) sets up two alternative worlds, one on a Tardis heading fast into an Ice Sun, and one back in Amy's home village where Amy and Rory have got married and Amy is heavily pregnant and VERY grumpy about it. I love grumpy Amy. Anyway, the crew have to choose which is the real reality before they are frozen to death (on the Tardis) or killed by hordes of marauding zombie alien-infested OAPs (in the village, though suddenly I want to see the Tardis invaded by hordes of marauding zombie alien-infested OAPs. But I digress.) The writing by Simon Nye (he of Men Behaving Badly fame, so I owe him) was smart and funny, the performances were all great, and best of all this was the episode which made me fall in love not only with Amy - I was halfway there already - but with the Doctor. Yay! He's certainly kept me waiting. Matt Smith's absent-minded-professor schtick was perfect for this episode, and it was the first time that not only could I not imagine David Tennant having done it better, but I couldn't imagine David Tennant having done it at all. Who writers take note: it is MUCH better when you write for Smith, not Tennant. Incidentally, as it turns out that the Dream Lord - SPOILER - is in fact a projection of the Doctor's own subconscious, not only do we now know what Matt Smith's Doc looks like inside his own head (and boy does it make sense), but it does raise the outside possibility that Toby Jones could be a future incarnation. Which would be AMAZING. The campaign starts here.

The Hungry Earth - hmmm - not as good. The Doctor, Amy and Rory pitch up in barely-future Wales, where an old bloke and an oddly unconvincing Meera Syal have been drilling deep into the earth and have disturbed some very angry Silurians. Silurians, apparently, are Who villains of old, but being no expert I didn't recognise them. Basically, they are dance school students dressed in scaly green leotards who like running around graveyards at night. It's a two-parter, so nothing is yet resolved, but the key element of peril is that Amy has been captured and taken underground where she is tied up and threatened with being dissected while wide awake. It's a very old school Who predicament, particularly as Amy has dressed for the occasion in miniscule hotpants (excuse: "I thought we were going to Rio.") It does seem that the trope for this series is "put Amy in a sexy outfit and tie her to something." Are any women writing scripts for Doctor Who this year? Anyway, while by no means terrible, this episode was full of clunks (Rory telling Amy off for wearing her engagement ring because she's going to lose it - in a *Welsh mining village*? A small boy running out into monster-infested darkness to retrieve a pair of headphones, and the Doctor letting him go?) and I wasn't particularly excited by any of it.

What the two eps have in common - aside from being, y'know, both Doctor Who - is that they came with an almost overpowering wave of nostalgia for the TV for my childhood. Amy's Choice with its rural setting and funny/scary oldsters was pure Two Ronnies / The Goodies, and The Hungry Earth, with ITS rural setting (far more villages than urban settings in Moffat's Who, which I like) and companion-in-peril-from-alien-dissection storyline was as close as it gets to the Doctor Who of my childhood, what I remember of it (mostly: quarries, and my girl-crush on Ace.) Which is all to the good.

Looking forward to the concluding eps of this series (how many more are there?) where all the hints of timeline crossing (the latest being Amy and Rory seen in the distance of T.H.E.) will be resolved. Excellent work, Mr Moffat.

Music Monday on a Tuesday on a Wednesday (wish I had called it something else now)

I have been lax again. In my defence, it's because I've been nose-down making final corrections to my novel before we submit it to publishers. That's exciting. Well, it's exciting for me. I have no idea whether revealing that I am shortly to submit to publishers is a bad thing, like I should suddenly spring it on them with no warning, like a surprise inspection from Ofsted (nicking a joke from Doctor Who there), except in a good way. Like they will be more likely to love it and give me loads of money if they don't know it's coming. Like a surprise pregnancy. Oh, I don't know. This is the long way around of me apologising to my agent for letting the cat out of the bag if that is, indeed, what I am doing.

Anyway, I've been busy with that, which means why no Who review (it was brill), no Jose Gonzalez review (he was brill), and no Flight of the Conchords review (they were brill and *I met them*.) I am fully intending to post all of these things in the fullness of time.

Meanwhile, earlier today, I got an e-mail from my friend, the serious academic, which said simply 'We will always associate this song with you, Marie. Great dancing at the wedding.'

Which song? Why, this song of course.



Yes. It is now MY song. I am not entirely sure how I feel about that, but my lovely lady lumps are delighted.

And seeing as we were talking Flight of the Conchords, let's remind ourselves of their fabulous parody:

Doctor Who: Vampires of Venice

"I'm a Time Lord. You're a fish. Think of the children."

As a massive fan of Toby Whithouse (he of Being Human fame) I wasn't at all surprised to find that I really enjoyed this episode, filled as it was with appropriately mordant humour. The gist of the ep is that the Doctor takes Amy and her fiance Rory on a date to Venice, only to discover that it has been taken over by vampire-imitating metallic fish aliens from another dimension. (Why do I watch Doctor Who? Because there aren't enough vampire-imitating fish aliens from another dimension in other telly, that's why.) There's a lot of running around, Amy gets captured and strapped to a chair while wearing a floaty nightdress (cuing many a pubescent boy fantasy), somebody sacrifices himself heroically taking a bunch of vampire fish with him (I do like a heroic self-sacrifice, even if nobody seems too upset about it afterwards) and the Doctor gets to flirt (having figured it out since last week, apparently) with one of my favourite actresses, Helen McCrory, as lead vampire fish (question: why did only male fish and their mum survive dimension leap? Answer comes there none.) Rory is the wettest thing in the whole episode, which is surprising given that it is set in Venice and half the cast are fish, Amy appears to be a walking hormone bomb with very odd taste, and the Doctor commits genocide (again) because Queen Fishy can't remember that one of her zombie fish brides is called Isabella (I'm terrible with names, note to you all, never wager the future of humanity with the Doctor on my ability to place someone I've met at a cocktail party).

Next week's looks triffic. Crashing on.

Music Monday on a Monday

I haven't watched Doctor Who yet. Lalalalala sticks fingers in ears. I was at a wedding all weekend and am barely awake enough to sit up. At every wedding I go to there's a surprise floor-filler and this was this was the one from this wedding. I was still at school when it came out and I remember being absolutely horrified. "This song says E's ARE GOOD. Isn't that illegal?" Bless.

The Trouser Elections: results, plus Music Monday on a Tuesday on a Friday special

It's a hung wardrobe. Which means either a Lib-Lab pact (jeggings):



Or a Con-Lib pact (harem/legging hybrid - harging? Legem?):



The jeggings look a hell of a lot more appetising to me. But the people have spoken and what they have said is: Nick Clegg, we want to see you dressed like MC Hammer. But you didn't get enough votes, so I'm afraid you can't touch this. Stop! Cameron time.

I feel a song coming on. Not one by MC Hammer either. All together now: if you gotta run, run from hope!



As for me, I'll be in pyjamas. Wake me up in five years.

The General Election Is A lot Like Trousers

It's the UK general election today - well actually it isn't; I'm writing this the Sunday before, and right now I haven't even decided who to vote for yet. But it's the general election at the time of you reading this (assuming you read my blog the day it is published - what, there are people who don't?) so what better day than today to be writing about trousers?

When I was ill at the end of last year, I lost a lot of weight, and though I am slowly putting it back on, I am still too thin for the majority of my clothes from last summer. Tops are OK because they look fine loose, but my trousers won't stay up and are insanely baggy round the legs and bum when belted. I know I know, everybody wants to be thin and I shouldn't be complaining etc, but nobody talks you through how expensive buying a whole new weight-loss wardrobe is. And also what a nightmare it is when the entire world appears to have been taken over by TROUSER MADNESS.

Observe the insanity of the harem pant:



This, for those of you who have not been shopping for ladies' trousers recently, is the fashionable shape for trousers at the moment. Look at them. I mean, look at them. They are hideous. And not only hideous, but designed to make even a person who is currently clothes-shopping because she is too thin look hugely, disproportionately fat around the bum and thighs. I was hysterical with laughter when I finally gave in tried on a relatively un-extreme pair in Whistles and looked like a young pony-mad girl in a Thelwell cartoon:



I did not purchase them.

Your only other choices at the moment are jeans, leggings or linen trousers. Jeans are great. I love jeans. This is why I already have jeans. They are, however, a bit heavy for summer. Leggings can be fine, but they only really look tolerable with boots and a long top to hide what I will henceforth be calling the "Thelwell Area". And linen trousers look nice on the hanger but crease deeply and instantly across the crotch the moment you put them on. And that's basically it. Sure, there are a few other options around the lunatic fringes but I'm not sure that anyone alive can pull off the tracksuit-bottom-and-stilletos look and I'm not about to volunteer to try.

The general election is a lot like trousers. Yes, it is. It *is*. Labour are my old jeans, once much loved but gone a bit saggy and I'm not sure they're right for the current climate. The Lib Dems are the leggings and linen trousers, good in theory but I'm worried about how well they will suit me once I've bought them and taken them home. And the Tories, obviously, are the harem pants. Just because somebody's told you there's an eighties revival going on, that doesn't mean you have to buy into it. You will look back on yourself now and think WHAT IN THE NAME OF RUSSELL HARTY WAS I THINKING INVESTING IN THOSE.

But sadly, in the general election, I can't do what I've decided to do in the trouser department: give up and wear a skirt.

Introducing BBBB

A rare treat on the blog today, an interview with the delightful Stephanie Butland, Firestation Bookswap regular, blogger of Bah To Cancer fame, stupendous BBBB book giveaway organiser and cupcake baker extraordinaire - more on all of which can be found below. You should read right to the end of the interview unless you are on a really strict diet, in which case you might want to close the browser the moment that I mention cupcakes because it gets very tempting from there on in... But to start with, talk of BBBB and books in general.

Who are you and what is this BBBB of which you speak?

I'm Stephanie Butland and I was diagnosed with breast cancer in November 2008. Since then I've had surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, and ongoing drug therapy, and I've chronicled my dance with cancer at www.bahtocancer.com.
One thing I discovered during treatment was that my usual response to long days of not feeling well - curling up on the sofa with a book - didn't work. At first I put it down to poor attention span and watched a lot of daytime TV instead. But then someone gave me a Georgette Heyer novel and I devoured it. I realised that my usual books - dense, dark thrillers, complex small-print novels, modern fiction usually involving incest and other nastiness - just weren't the right books for me while I was trying to get better. So I started reading differently - Agatha Christie, Dick Francis, Lisa Jewell - and was re-reminded of what a healing thing a good book can be.
The BBBB - Bah! Brilliant Book Bonanza - was born from this experience. I've persuaded lots of lovely writers and publishers - including your fragrant self - to donate copies of their books, and I'm inviting anyone in need of a good, uplifting read (you don't need to have cancer) to come along and leave a 'pick me!' comment. So you can get a good, free, read if you need one, or you can make a small donation - I'm suggesting £2 - for every 'pick me' comment that you leave. So, if it works - and I'm going to look a complete twit if it doesn't - people in need of a good book will get one, and cancer charities will make a bit of money.

How can my lovely readers get involved with BBBB?

Readers can go to www.bahtocancer.com/bbbb and click on the 'May 2010 BBBB' link, read the list of available books - and there are some brilliant ones - leave a comment to say which one they'd like, and leave a 'pick me!' comment.

Writers who want to get involved with the BBBB can contact me via the site and tell me about the book they'd like to donate. It can be anything - fiction, biography, poetry, young adult books - so long as it leaves you with a smile on your face.

And now for some book questions. First book you remember reading / being read to you?

I remember a book called 'A Child's Garden of Verses' which was a big, heavy, illustrated poetry book. And my Grandma had a book at her house that she read to me and I loved - called 'Jim and Mary and the Rocking Horse' about a rocking horse in a park that sometimes came to life. I remember my Dad reading to me a lot. And I remember always being a reader. The first time we went on a plane, I missed the whole experience because my Mum had bought me a new Malory Towers book to read on holiday and I wasn't allowed to start it until we got on the plane. So I spent the whole flight with my nose stuck in the book with my Mum periodically interrupting me to try to get me to look out of the window.

First book that had a significant impact on you and the way you saw the world?

I really wanted to say something really impressively intellectual here, but I have to be honest and say it was one of the Enid Blyton St. Clare's boarding school books. I forget the context exactly but the message was that everyone has something special about them - and one day you will discover what is special about you. I liked that. Still do.

Favourite obscure book that everyone should know about?

'Chatterton Square' by E. H. Young. The characters are just exquisite and the story so moving. And it's such a delight to read a book where all the main characters are middle aged and none the less interesting for that.

A book that everyone loves but which you just don't get?

'The Time Traveller's Wife'. I get that the conceit is clever but frankly, I just couldn't care less. I've recently given up on 'The Children's Book' by A S Byatt when I was 100 pages in and loathed everyone in it. I read 'Wolf Hall' and felt very 'So what?' at the end, although I've loved Hilary Mantel's other novels. Oh, and you can keep all of Dickens.

All-time favourite book (or books - as this can be like choosing between your children)?

'Middlemarch' by George Eliot for the sheer span of it, and for Dorothea Brooke
'Bel Canto' by Ann Patchett, which is simply faultless
'A Suitable Boy' by Vikram Seth - I do have a bit of a big book fetish and this is the top of my big book list
The Edith Wharton one with Lily Bart that I can't remember the name of. Oh, hang on, "The House of Mirth'. The inevitability of the ending breaks my heart every time
'Cloud Atlas' by David Mitchell which is so brilliant and so clever but the brilliance and the cleverness don't interfere with the fact that these are really good stories.
'A Month of Sundays' by John Updike, although frankly I'd pay to read Updike's shopping list.

A special BBBB question - what's the perfect uplifting read for when times get really tough?

For me, it's a Jane Austen novel, because I've read them all so often that I can read and enjoy them without too much effort, and they link me back through my past, and new things speak to me every time.

Last but not remotely least: you are famous amongst the Firestation Bookswap audience for your delicious cupcakes. Care to share a recipe with us?

Of course! Here is my 'Vanilla Variations' recipe.

To make a dozen cupcakes you will need:
- 125g butter at room temperature
- 125g golden caster sugar
- 2 eggs
- 125g self raising flour
- a tablespoon of vanilla extract (not essence)
- a glug or two of full-fat milk
- muffin cases (not cupcake cases. This matters: it gives you the optimum cake to icing ratio.)

Heat the oven to 160 degrees celsius or so. Beat together the butter and sugar until it's really, really pale, or get a machine to do it for you. Add and egg and half the flour and beat it in slowly. Then the other egg and the other half of the flour, then the vanilla, then enough milk to make a soft dropping consistency - take a spoonful of the mixture, hold it sideways over the bowl, and if it falls off within 3 seconds that's what you've got.
Divide the mixture between the cases and put them in the oven. Take a look at them after 15 minutes: they should be pale gold and spring back to the touch. If in doubt, give them another 5 minutes. Remove the tray from the oven and leave the cakes in there until they are cool.

Now, the topping. This is where the variations come in. Try any of the following. As a general rule, the longer you mix the toppings for, the better they'll be.

Basic icing: 200g icing sugar and a little cold water. Vary this by replacing the water with lemon or orange juice, or adding a drop of rosewater. Golden caster sugar will give a hint of caramel.

Royal icing: start by whisking an egg white until it's foamy then add 200g icing sugar. This gives you a crunchier icing when it sets. You can add any flavouring to this one, and try it with golden caster sugar too.

Traditional frosting: use 100g cream cheese (such as Philadelphia), 50g butter, 200g icing sugar and a glug of vanilla extract.

Add 2 tablespoons of good quality cocoa powder to any of the above.

Try mixing lemoncurd with thick greek yoghurt and putting a raspberry on top, but you'll need to store these in the fridge and eat them quickly.

Beat 100g Nutella with 200g icing sugar.

Melt 200g good quality dark chocolate, 50g butter and 100g double cream. You'll need to leave this to thicken before you use it and keep these in the fridge.

Once you have the icing and the cakes are cool, put the icing on and spread it around, and put something yummy on the top. Raspberries, chocolate buttons, sugar roses, dolly mixtures, flaked almonds (good with rose icing), those chocolates in the shape of seashells - they're all good.

Enjoy!

Music Monday on a Tuesday: Live Special

Last night I was getting ready for my string quartet rehearsal, going over that tricky tenor clef bit in the second variation of the Haydn. One of the violinists arrived. Then the other violinist arrived. And then we waited. And waited. And eventually called our viola player, who'd forgotten the gig and answered the phone from the middle of a meeting in the pub he lives above. So no quartet for us.

We decamped to the pub, at which point violinist number 1 (and useful emergency paramedic) got a text from a friend who was heading to a gig in Dalston, and did we want to join her? As it happens Dalston is a short hop from where we rehearse (aka my front room) so we piled in the car (a brilliantly-named Seat Ibiza Chill) and off we went.

The bar - Pangea Project in not so much Dalston, more orthodox Jewish heartland Stamford Hill - was minute and loud and serving vegetarian fake chicken sandwiches. On stage were ELKS, who describe themselves on their MySpace page as Rock / Melodramatic Popular Song / Blues, and who I'd describe as Jon Spencer Blues Explosion with Seasick Steve beards and shouty vocals. I like Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, am beard-neutral, and I don't like shouty vocals, so I was most of the way but not quite there. Had a dance, but felt a bit jealous that the drummer was wearing earplugs.

Sidled over to the bar and picked up a flyer that made my night. I quote in full and without comment, because what comment could possibly be needed?

Until the Bird of the Soul Takes Flight from the Cage of the Body to Consort with the Nightingales of the Everlasting Garden... is the name of the acoustic duo opening tonight and setting the tone for storytelling folk songs. Three Beards follow with banjo and accordion textural sounds, and Belarussian rock and roller Sasha Ilyukevich headlines at 10.30pm with his incomparable brew of punk, folk and blues combining the literate worldliness of Boris Grebenshikov and the emotional depth of Blood On The Tracks-era Bob Dylan.

Drank a tonic water. Admired the haircuts. Went home.

Jon Spencer Blues Explosion:



Here's that Haydn:

Doctor Who: Flesh and Stone

Did anybody else find this a bit confusing? My television is almost an antique but, you know, a worthless antique, and the sound on it wasn't great, so for the first ten minutes or so I couldn't hear any dialogue, just loud music and sound effects. So I haven't a clue how the Doctor got them out of the trap, and the shoot-out on the way into the spaceship was scary but disorienting in a way that I don't think it was supposed to be.

Matters then improved a lot for me in the middle, where Amy had to keep her eyes shut or she'd die (I'm really not clear on why, but I am traditionally generous on bonkers "science" in Who - this is not the Open University after all) - a really nice down-to-earth scary-for-the-kids touch in the middle of all the monsters and craziness. The angels are still terrifying and all the darkness and strobing worked brilliantly. Loved the fact that the soldiers were convincing as soldiers, loved the brave Bishop dying a hero's death, loved the ongoing chat with Angel Bob, continue to love River Song no matter what she does (flirting with the Doctor good, implication that she might kill the Doctor somewhere along his timeline even better). Delighted that she's going to be back again soon.

But the stuff with the crack in the universe I could barely follow at all. When Matt Smith talks really fast I can't actually understand what he's saying, which doesn't help. (Sudden realisation that I am turning into a grumpy old woman. Ah well. I did have a birthday a couple of weeks ago. And hey, I've just remembered, I didn't wear ear-plugs when I went swimming on Saturday morning, so maybe it's that.) So I got that "it's a crack chatter chatter end of the universe chatter time running out chatter chatter chatter IT WILL BE AS IF YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BORN!" Not a good thing obviously.

And as for Amy hurling herself at the Doctor at the end, I found it completely implausible as there's no sexual chemistry between them at all, but I did find Matt Smith's desperate attempts to get away from her very funny (hurrah!) And my favourite thing about this episode is that Moff's brought in the series arc good and early, so all the crack-in-the-universe, Amy-getting-married stuff will shape the rest of the episodes, and there's nothing I love more than a long series arc, so I think he's doing a great job as series runner and I'm all happy and excited.