Prematurely balding actors needed

Rumours of wifi in Hay proving unsubstantiated, I will in fact be blogging all about it now that I've returned. That's an epic post which needs proper attention, so just for fun in the meantime, I will share, without comment (none needed), this job advert a friend of mine (young woman, full head of hair) was recently sent:

Prematurely Balding Actors Needed for THE Film of 2010, CASTING CALL

London, Gloucestershire Unpaid (Expenses Paid)

Description

The film will last approximately 25 minutes, it will be dense, muddy and frenzied, have something of the high school teen flick about it, and be filmed entirely at night. Centred around the resurrection of EPOS and his last days on Earth, the film will be a howl clad in pre-ripped denim, the script puked out by the actors as though attempting to break from the confines of their bodies or like a speech from the scaffold with a noose about the neck, an offering from the ‘Abandoned Generation’, writ large. ‘Please excuse our unsightly, real, protruding guts’ etc.

A band of prematurely balding outlaws try themselves as pet mediums and style themselves as saints, spin donuts in car parks, spit black and howl under the crumbling stars.

The film is to be shot between the 20th the 29th August in London and Gloucestershire. Whilst we are unfortunately unable to pay you for your time, you will be chauffeured, fed and sheltered alongside some of the finest company to be found on the island.

Roles:

EPOS THE DEAD – (age 17 – 25) Charismatic messiah figure, reluctantly resurrected. Hollers spells. Chews Oreos/ Spits Black. Levitates.

THE OUTLAWS – (ages 17 – 25) Inhabited by tapeworms that take sporadic control of their vocal chords and bring on convulsions. Pates gleaming in the kitchen light under thinning hair. Spin donuts in heavily modified cars - Body kits, underglow, mesh and grills.

SON WOUNDS OF EPOS - (ages 17- 25) Grown from portions of EPOS’ ass. Lousy copies, incredulous bald patches, tonsures abound. Their speech deteriorated like an over copied tape.

Hay: preview

I have finished (read "finished") my book (why "finished"? Well there will be months worth of corrections once my editor gets hold of it, and that's assuming my publishers actually want this one, ladida I AM NOT THINKING ABOUT THAT) and am off to the Hay festival from where I intend to keep a regular blog presence, hurrah! (Please don't steal the laptop out of the car when I stop for petrol.) Hay is like one giant Start the Week and it's where I go to feel clever and knowledgeable about stuff I am neither clever nor knowledgeable about. Also, as luck would have it, it's a really great place to sit inside a marquee wishing it would stop raining. See you there! (Not literally. Especially if you are reading this from Canada.)