- Hello, I’m looking for a man.
- Well, you’ve come to the right place. That’s all we do here. You might say that men are our speciality.
- I know. That’s why this is my favourite shop.
- Thank you. So what kind of man are you looking for today?
- Um… I’m thinking Scottish?
- Scottish, very good. Very on-trend. Scottish men have been all over the catwalks this season.
- And I’m planning to wear heels, so he’d better be tall.
- We have some very nice men in the 5ft 10 range.
- Hmm. No, I think taller.
- 6ft plus? That will narrow things down a little.
- And I’d like him to be an actor. I’m going for a dramatic look.
- Special occasion?
- I’m thinking of marrying him.
- Oh, well in that case I can see you’d want someone to stand out from the crowd. Well, we have our basic Scottish actor range, and then our Premium range.
- What’s the difference?
- The Premium range are better looking and more famous. But they are priced accordingly.
- It’s a one-off purchase.
- Of course. So do you have any preference on what kind of actor?
- I like science fiction. Television science fiction, in particular. For a family audience?
- Gosh. I’m not sure how many of those we have in stock. Oh, yes, actually more than I thought. But I’m not sure if we can meet all your criteria. For example, here’s Douglas Henshall but he’s only available in 5ft 9 ½.
- 5ft 9 ½?
- His imdb page is very clear on that extra half inch.
- I’m afraid that’s a little short for me.
- I quite understand. I can offer Patrick Stewart, who is a little taller, and while he isn’t Scottish exactly, he has a good Celtic name, and he’s a timeless design classic.
- Tempting. I do like his voice, and he looks great in that Starfleet uniform. How timeless is he exactly?
- He’s currently 69 years old.
- Hmm. That’s a bit too timeless.
- I see. Well in that case, if your requirements are non-negotiable, it’s David Tennant or John Barrowman.
- David Tennant or John Barrowman?
- That’s all we have left.
- This is tricky. Will you be getting any more stock in?
- Not til Christmas, which is when we’re expecting our new Doctor, but he isn’t Scottish, and imdb doesn’t even list his height, so we’re anticipating that he might be quite short.
- I was hoping to be married by Christmas. Right. Well, in that case… God this is hard… and I hate making impulse purchases, but I’ve got to get to the bank and it’s closing in ten minutes… OK. Barrowman.
- Barrowman? Are you sure?
- Yes. No. No. Tennant.
- Tennant?
- Do you offer a refund or exchange if I change my mind?
- Unfortunately not.
- Tennant then.
- Definitely?
- Yes. Absolutely. He’ll go better with my handbag.
- Tennant it is. If you wait here, I’ll just go and get him wrapped.
- No, it’s OK, I’ll wear him home. Thanks very much.
- My pleasure.
Posts
15 comments:
Ha, I love it! I believe you made the right choice, too; ridiculously difficult choice though it is.
(Bizarre as it sounds, I have habit of asking this titular question to random girls in club toilets when I'm a bit pissed and attempting to strike up conversation. It's Tennant, nine times out of ten!)
I hope you'll win. You deserve it!
But you made the wrong choice. If you already took Tennant home, I am left with Barrowman. Hmpf. Give Tennant back. Pronto!
Thanks for the link and good entry. I'll say no more than that for now ;-)
Were they all out of Gerard Butler?
Not sure I'll forgive you for spelling Dougie's name wrongly (HENSHALL!! HENSHALL!! have you learnt nothing from my years of ranting?!*)
Not sure I can write something better than this: different, but not better!
* change the spelling please: but otherwise, only teasing... ;)
ha ha ha! That is too good, I hope you get it too. I see from the rules I can't enter as an non-UK-er....but I can't think of anything so witty anyway.
Sorry Lisa! Actually it was a typo, I know how to spell his name, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to Google his height... Duly corrected.
LOL!
This is the perfect thing to read first thing Friday morning at the office! Ha!
Hmmm, yes tough call. Perhaps there woud be a buy one, get the second half price kind of deal? A non-matching set? Bookends? Still, if pressed I think I would have to agree. Tennant, definitely.
Poor John Barrowman. Who can compete with the (messy-haired) Doctor?
Oh, you made my sad 'day-before-work-hatehatehate' day with that. I need to keep up with blogs because this would could have cheered me up earlier. And also I could have had a go (which would ensured you winning, as it would have been so awful) but it's too late now.
I however, feel you made the right choice. John is fun, but how many times could you put up with him flashing his bits at everyone in Tescos when out shopping? Mr Tennant would save the flashing for private moments and work commitments. However, we do have the farting problem with them both....
The competition is open until midnight tonight and there are two vouchers to be won, so you still have time to give it a go (even if Marie has won one of the vouchers)!
Cute and clever!
As for me, may I please split them in order to enjoy Tennant's mind and voice and Barrowman's smokin' bod? (He doesn't pitch for my team, of course, but anything can happen in Dreamville...)
LOL! Brilliant. Tennant was an excellent choice. He seems like a lovely man, and he really does go with almost anything. :)
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