So, I am completely in love with Adam and Joe. It kind of crept up on me, but it's too late now. I am GONE.
I used to watch their TV programme when I was a student because it was silly and studenty and about right for that period in your life when the height of sophistication is a choice of brown sauce or red sauce with your chips. And then I grew up, sort of. And so did they! Sort of. We lost track of each other for several years (well, I lost track of them - I'm assuming they never kept track of me) until I started listening to Six Music (which, as an aside, is the best radio station in the world or at least the best radio station in the world of the ones that I have ever listened to, aside from that French one we used to get online at Crockatt & Powell which was just someone's iPod with a lot of 1960s chansons and a lot of Bach, which is impossible to beat.) They do the Saturday morning show there, but I didn't listen to it for ages because it clashes with both Jonathan Ross and with my yoga class, but then I got chatting to someone at a dinner party who told me you can get it via podcast, and also this person kept saying Stephen! Stephen! and I didn't know why. And so I subscribed to the podcast and now I know why he kept saying Stephen! Stephen! And also I am in LOVE.
Word to the wise: there is no point trying to decide who is cuter, Adam or Joe. The whole point is Adam AND Joe. Adam has the slightly lower, cheekier voice, and Joe the voice which sounds like any moment now he is going to burst out laughing, at all times. They are incredibly sexy in an inept, shambolic way, the kind of way which would suggest should you ever get one of them into bed (or, let's go with this, both) they would have serious trouble figuring out how to get you out of your clothes, and once you had sighed and done it yourself, they would spend most of the rest of the time laughing as they totally failed to do all the other things that they were supposed to do, and that that in itself would be hot, and then they would manage to get it right just when you thought that they couldn't, taking you by surprise, and it would be brilliant. Then you would all play Scrabble. And you would win. It would be hot. Hey, I'm excited. (You may be getting some idea about why the sex scenes in Gods Behaving Badly aren't particularly sexy.)
Anyway, mostly I listen to Adam and Joe on the bus, bursting with joy and love as they have totally banal and pointless conversations about crisp flavours and what homeless French people drink (real conversations from the most recent podcast, I do not jest). When I first started podcasting them I tried to hide my feelings, but now I just sit on the bus laughing like a drain. What with my long black hair, woolly hat, black coat, thick scarf and small black in-ear headphones, it's actually impossible to see that I'm listening to anything at all so I just look like a happy lunatic giggling away to myself. I don't care if that's what people think I am; it isn't far from the truth. I love Adam and Joe. I love their jingles. I love Song Wars. I love Text the Nation. I love the fact that I am writing this imagining them reading it out in the voice they use for reading out e-mails. LOVE. LOVE. The real, excited when I hear their names, butterflies in the stomach just thinking about them, daydreaming about us meeting and getting on really well and them wanting to watch television with me, LOVE. It's like being in love with a real person, only there are two of them, and they don't know I exist. (Actually not that different then.)
I think what I love most about them is that they love each other. I am quite partial to a male double act, and not is a yucky way. Male friendship is a beautiful thing. For example: Ant? No. Dec? No. Ant and Dec? YES! It's the way they look at each other.
I just pressed 'post' by mistake and sent this article off unfinished and unedited, can you tell? It must be the lightheadedness of love. But I have to go out now, so that's all you're getting.
You can subscribe to the Adam & Joe podcast
here.
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