Strictlywatch 2009: Week 1 Part 2

First week of Strictly, first dramatic eviction: Martina "actually pretty good at dancing" Hingis. Turns out that I was right about the Welsh vote, the Nostalgia vote, and the "cold-hearted competitive woman" anti-vote. Martina is unlikely to have been helped by being Swiss. The charitable way of putting this is that she's not one of "our" celebrities, not home-grown, domestic and well-loved like our soap stars and sportsmen. The less charitable way of putting it is xenophobia. Either way, I was stunned when Len chose Rav to go through. On the strength of that rumba? Really? Rav and Aliona's fist-pumping triumphalism when they were put through will guarantee them an ongoing future in the bottom two, anyway.

To the dances.

Jade and Ian's cha cha was terrific, despite Jade being dressed in a cross between Tweety Pie and a glitter ball. We picked up on some strange body language between her and Ian, but their shared relief at going through was so palpable I'm putting it down to nerves.

Ali was next, I think - it's already a blur - but anyway she and Brian danced a great rumba. Ali looked genuinely terrified before, during and after, and her modesty may well tide her over the curse of being the best at the start and thus looking arrogant by default (the 'Austin Healey' effect).

Lynda Bellingham tried to disguise herself as a lampshade in order to avoid her cha cha being noticed by anyone at all.

Next up was Rav with a rumba which involved him mainly taking a few steps while Aliona writhed around him. I already love Aliona's dancing so I am a lot happier watching her than Rav, but I don't think that's exactly the point.

Chris and Ola's rumba was surprisingly good, especially given that I was not at all impressed by his tango. I liked his dancing faces (although they were about to be seriously outclassed) and I loved his sincere effort to do the proper romantic / sexy thing. Although he may have played his nuclear option far too early by bringing on his parents.

And so to Joe. Oh no. No, Joe. No. Just - no.

Then was Martina's rumba, which despite ensuring her being knocked out, I thought was relatively good, fixed grin and bonkers arms notwithstanding. I would like to have seen a few more weeks of Martina because I think she'd have got much better fast, but alas, we will never know.

And last but not least by several miles was Ricky. After a lacklustre start yesterday, Ricky learnt a lesson that anybody who reads this blog could easily have taught him: if in doubt, go for the dancing faces. I have no clue what was going on from the neck down, because Ricky danced as though he has a series of burning hot potatoes in his mouth of various sizes, from Jersey New Royal to full-sized baking. Genius, hilarious. His dancing? What? Could have secured his position as this year's outside punt.

So farewell then Martina Hingis, if only you had put a series of hot potatoes of various sizes in your mouth you might still be with us now.