Strictlywatch 2010: the dancers are announced!

Hear ye, hear ye. This was going to be a properly put together (and, for that matter, proof-read - be forgiving) Strictly post with pictures and links and stuff, but I'm going to be late for the cinema if I don't leave right now. Please feel free to imagine what I'd say about excitement and sequins and the fact that Brucie is still alive, and insert it here.

Ann Widdecombe - MP and the first Strictly contestant who I have actually met. I interviewed her for a programme on the history of Christianity which I worked on back in my TV days. Her office is lined with two sets of pictures - a bunch of Garfield cartoons along the lines of "I'm not fat, I'm under-tall", and a series of photographs of aborted foetuses. She had written five novels - who knew? I would be neither surprised nor unhappy to see her get knocked out pretty quickly.

Felicity Kendal - Actress. Love her. Will not hear a word against her. Kendall for the win! I don't think I'm alone in feeling this way, which may keep her in for a while, but anyone under the age of 30 might struggle to know who she is, unless they recognise her from Doctor Who.

Gavin Henson - Surely a front runner: plays rugby, is hot. His split from Charlotte Church may enhance his chances as this way she won't come and warble on the results show and put people off, not unless they totally want to fuck with his head that is (it's a possibility).

Goldie - Drum n Bass musician. Was good on Maestro, the underrated celebrity conducting show. Possible dark horse, possible unmoving lump of gold-plated concrete, who can say?

Jimi Mistry - Dr Gay Fun-seeker on Eastenders! And successful Hollywood actor etc. I'm trying to remember his Bollywood moves in not-terribly-good porn satire The Guru. The fact that I've forgotten bodes reasonably well. I'd remember horror, surely.

Kara Tointon - Dawn from Eastenders apparently. Also apparently lots of people still watch Eastenders. According to the BBC site she has already won Strictly once, albeit the Sport Relief version, partnering Mark Ramprakash. As this presumably indicates that she can dance, file her under "the really good one who is knocked out three weeks before the end because girl voters suspect her of being bitch or smug".

Matt Baker - former BBC presenter, this year's Gethyn / Chris: will do well. Even if he wasn't a former gymnastics champion, which he is. He can do backflips, and will do backflips, and Len will hate it. The public won't.

Michelle Williams - not the rather serious Hollywood actress who used to be in Dawson's Creek, but the Destiny's Child singer. Will be knocked out immediately for being too naturally gifted and American.

Pamela Stevenson - Billy Connelly's wife, former comedian, now psychologist. Analyses celebs for TV and normal people (normal people with psychological problems, I mean) for The Guardian. I have no idea what she is doing here. Her relationship to fame could do with close scrutiny. Unless she's got magic dance legs I don't think she'll last long. I note the BBC describes her as a sexologist (??) who believes that dance and sex are intrinsically linked. Partnering Brendan, perhaps? Am properly excited by the thought of Billy Connelly on It Takes Two.

Patsy Kensit - not terribly good actress and singer who is likely to be a not terribly good dancer either.

Paul Daniels - magician, now mostly famous for Mrs Merton's quip to wife Debbie Magee "what first attracted you to millionaire Paul Daniels?" I loathe magic and therefore pray for a week one eviction. The world may comply.

Peter Shilton - England goalkeeper. That just suggests stiff to me.

Scott Maslen - Another Eastenders alumnus. Quite hot, it seems. Just saying.

Tina O'Brien - off Corrie! Probably obliged under BBC charter to have one after all those Eastenders stars. I get the feeling she's whatever the northern equivalent is of a loveable cockney sparrer and therefore will be forgiven for being able to dance. Even I like her, and I have never seen her say or do anything.

THUS my frontrunners, having never seen them dance: Gavin Henson, Matt Baker, Tina O'Brien.

Your thoughts?